Running midday errands.
Lunch dates and Costco samples.
Discussing life and sharing jokes in the car.
Learning new things together.
We had all the time in the world. Or so it seemed at the time.
I'm grieving not having his random hugs or jokes throughout the day. He placed fingerprints of random laughter and joking on the intense to-do's of my daily schedule. I'm grieving the "Hey mom...?" that was normally followed by a request to make cookies or watch a Netflix documentary which counted as 'school'.
I'm grieving time gone yet well spent.
I'm grieving the fact that I'm not more mature. If I had a bad day when the boys were little, I'd console myself with the reality that they were too young to remember. Now my 'off days' or bad moods are felt by the boys as the thunderstorms they are. So perhaps I'm grieving that I haven't arrived at the stage of perfect parenting yet. Not that I ever will but I kinda hoped I would. For my boys' sake. I'm delighted with the relationships I have with them yet hoped they would receive more from me than they have. I just haven't had enough time to grow up completely yet. I'm working on it though. Actually, God's still working on me and he'll never give up! Thank goodness for that!
Most expectations parents place on themselves are as deceiving as baby skunks - cute, fluffy, and unintimidating yet rank when examined up close.
"Blessed is he who expects nothing for he shall never be disappointed." - Alexander Pope
While this quote is true in most instances, there are many expectations we don't realize as such. They simply exist. They are the ideals we strive for with larger purposes and goals in mind for our families. So we hold fast to routines, address needs, and steward our resources.
Savings accounts.
Regular family dinners and game nights.
Holiday traditions.
Date nights.
Freezer meals.
Weeding.
Exercise.
Growing old friends. Making new ones.
Tune ups.
Braces.
Sports camps.
College.Life truly lived is pregnant with expectation. Eager anticipation. Hopefulness. Discontentedness with mediocrity.
And with that, I look forward to this next chapter of life recognizing that I don't have the luxury of dancing through memory-making moments. I have to steal them, own them, growth them, and guard them from life's seemingly important busyness- a parent's fiercest competitor.
And at the same time, this chapter will also teach me how to slowly let go - provide more opportunities for responsibility and freedom, encourage bravery in new ventures, display a godly life more with my actions and less with my lectures. And I'm excited to see the outcome. I'm excited to see how he steps up to the plate. I'm excited to see the fruit of our parental investments into his character, decision-making, truth speaking, and gracious loving of others. I'm excited to see how the power of the gospel will continue to change his life just as it continuously changes mine.
So forward we march...
More interesting resources:
5 Ways We Experience the Gospel in Community - by The Resurgence
Gospel Presentation - Like You've Never Seen It Before - by Matt Chandler (2 minute YouTube video)
The Power of The Gospel - Sermon by Tim Keller
