Addressing the Heart of the Behaviors

Recently, my son was given an outdoor chore but he didn't feel like obeying.  He heard the exact instructions but chose to pout and grumble on the patio by the barbecue, shielding himself from the wind.  He didn't like the wind that day, forgetting he had played in outside in the wind the day before.

After giving him several warnings, I called him out of hiding and carefully weighed my options.  I could wage war on his actions and ground him for life, come unglued, or immaturely bully him into performance, throwing down the 'parenting card' as an excuse for lashing out in frustration.  After all, I'm the parent, right?  I'm the boss!  The truth about negative emotions is that they always beget more negative emotions.  I honestly don't have the energy for that...

I needed to be smarter about this.  Logic would appeal to his intellect but more importantly, practicing self-control would demonstrate godly character and be an exercise for us both in conflict resolution.  And isn't that what is more important anyway?  As parents we desire to send children into the world as adults who know how to resolve conflict, recognize truth, and practice self control.

photo: pixabay

It was time to simply address the truth. 

It was time to address the sin that was causing turmoil. 

Sin is basically defined as missing the mark.  There's a bulls eye and it's missed.  The instant we choose self, engage our negative behaviors, disregard others, or allow our pride to take over is the moment we cripple ourselves and become less that who we are meant to be.  We want to put sin on a scale and say that some are worse but the deal is this; if you miss the mark, you miss the mark.  Sin is sin.  And we all do it.  

As a parent, my tenancy has been to address the side effects of sin -impatience, rudeness, unkindness, demanding tones, condescending words, etc, yet addressing the root of the problem is vital.  If you can address the root issue, the symptoms begin to wither.

As parents, we have to help our kids weed the gardens of their hearts.  We can simply pluck the leaves off the weed and allow the root to remain and thus grow stronger or we can identify and dig out the sinful issues of the heart before they bloom, replant themselves, and take over in an ugly crop of pride and entitlement.  

Sin doesn't like exposure.  It likes to stay hidden behind blaming, denial, and anger because once it's exposed, a choice has to be made.  A choice to continue in hurtfulness or a choice to change course which requires humility, seeking forgiveness, and moving towards restoration.  This is a daunting task for anyone.

photo: pixabay

Me. "Baby, your actions communicate rebelliousness towards me and pride in your heart.  This is sin.  This is what is causing you to be angry, defensive, and disrespectful.  Your heart is choosing sin but it doesn't have to.  You can choose to ask forgiveness, ask God to change your heart, then choose to act differently.  Should you continue to sin, your consequences will be..."