I have to keep this in mind as I'm discussing parenting with new parents, marriage with newlyweds, and healthy choices with the emotionally derailed. I assume a lot when I think they already have the answers, thus I'm hesitant to address issues, even when asked. Shocking, I know.
But in my attempt to avoid addressing the obvious, I miss the obvious - they simply aren't aware of the obvious because they haven't learned the obvious. And because I don't address the obvious, I fail to teach well.
The easy but overlooked solution (one that I'm currently working through in my heart) is to ask more questions to find out what people really know, understand, what solutions they've tried, what personality, strengths, and style they bring to the table. And because I don't ask questions and because I don't want to make them feel dumb, I don't say anything.
And that's super helpful. I've just inspired, challenged, and invested in.... well, no one really.
Better yet, this same "don't share policy" (the one that is fruitless) is what I have to fight against in my parenting, which is strange, as I see myself as an extremely wordy over-sharer with passionate convictions. (It's okay to agree- I can't see your facial expressions anyway.)
WHY do I do this?!?
But in my attempt to avoid addressing the obvious, I miss the obvious - they simply aren't aware of the obvious because they haven't learned the obvious. And because I don't address the obvious, I fail to teach well.
The easy but overlooked solution (one that I'm currently working through in my heart) is to ask more questions to find out what people really know, understand, what solutions they've tried, what personality, strengths, and style they bring to the table. And because I don't ask questions and because I don't want to make them feel dumb, I don't say anything.
And that's super helpful. I've just inspired, challenged, and invested in.... well, no one really.
Better yet, this same "don't share policy" (the one that is fruitless) is what I have to fight against in my parenting, which is strange, as I see myself as an extremely wordy over-sharer with passionate convictions. (It's okay to agree- I can't see your facial expressions anyway.)
WHY do I do this?!?
For whatever reason, as our kids become teenagers, I've observed two knee-jerk reactions, 1) we become controlling and accusational which shuts off the relationship or, 2) we invest less personally and expect our teens to figure it out (which is what I'm addressing here today).
As they practice adulthood, they need us the most! Maybe we're mentally thrown off when they get tall and their voices change. They like little grown ups yet they simply lack the maturity and experiences that we have.
And yet I have struggled with sharing my personal life lessons and experiences. Maybe I'm still learning from my past. Maybe I fear talking too much and being tuned out. Maybe I disdain my own vulnerability. Maybe I don't ask the right questions to open the doors to deeper conversations. Maybe I'm less approachable than I think I am. Maybe I'm still exhausted from parenting my boys as toddlers. I'm pretty sure potty training and cheerios took a toll on my sanity.
As they practice adulthood, they need us the most! Maybe we're mentally thrown off when they get tall and their voices change. They like little grown ups yet they simply lack the maturity and experiences that we have.
And yet I have struggled with sharing my personal life lessons and experiences. Maybe I'm still learning from my past. Maybe I fear talking too much and being tuned out. Maybe I disdain my own vulnerability. Maybe I don't ask the right questions to open the doors to deeper conversations. Maybe I'm less approachable than I think I am. Maybe I'm still exhausted from parenting my boys as toddlers. I'm pretty sure potty training and cheerios took a toll on my sanity.
I know many parents who hesitate to speak into their teens life because of the mistakes they themselves made. So what? Don't we all make mistakes? The reason we survived our stupidity is to save others from theirs. Right?
Whaaa....?
Now if you walked around with a fork and continued damaging your body, I would say that hypocrisy could be an issue. As well as stupidity. But that's a different blog.
"Despite the wise counselling against sticking a fork in my eye,
I did it anyway. Now I wear an eye patch so I really am not
the person to counsel others against sticking forks in their eyes."
Whaaa....?
Now if you walked around with a fork and continued damaging your body, I would say that hypocrisy could be an issue. As well as stupidity. But that's a different blog.
