Our culture is so overly-connected and inundated with media's opinions that we doubt ourselves, our standards, and our convictions on nearly every level. We are quick to adopt personal philosophies and standards of people we respect as well as societal norms that say something is 'okay' rather than working to define within our own hearts the truths and values we personally cherish. We're all guilty of this at one time or another.
"Their family does it this way, and I highly respect them,
so it's probably okay for our family."
We'd never encourage our kids to reason like this. In fact, we encourage them to think outside the box, swim against the current, stand up for what is right, be courageous, blah, blah, blah. So why do we as parents follow societal norms? Why are we so easily swayed?
My guess: it's simply easier.
And we look a little less like weirdos.
And we're tired.
The norm gives us a hall pass to skip the hard lessons of soul-searching or truth-finding. We can just blend in with the crowd and avoid being the brunt of parental criticism. Easy-peasy chicken squeasy.
It will probably come as no surprise that I was raised in a cuss-free home. My family had friends and neighbors who cussed but we didn't. My siblings and I had our mouths washed out with soap for lying, name-calling, or use of bad language. My parents believed that a dirty mouth needed cleaning. It was harsh but effective. My siblings and I may have come up with our own substitutionary words like the Heffley kids in Diary of a Wimpy Kid but we didn't cuss. Out loud, that is.
My family also spent a lot of time around church folk and good church folk just don't cuss. And let me tell you about "good church folk" behavior: it can be a slippery slope that often lands many unsuspecting people with good intentions into pools of self-righteous legalism or slimy bogs of people-pleasing. These good folks follow rules and laws in order to fit in with other good church folk. They care less about what God thinks and over-analyze what other people think and do. I'm guilty of having struggled in and out of both of these disgusting heart conditions, thus I can speak from experience.
However, there are many good church folk that live the way they do without legalism or people-pleasing. They lead good lives out of reverence for God and respect for others. I fully support that. They take seriously the verse, "Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs." (Eph 4:29) because their focus is how to love others best, and let's be honest - cussing feels good to the one cussing. Rarely does it feel good to the one listening.
Even with that being said, I've listened to and have been challenged by sermons where pastors cuss, I've enjoyed incredibly powerful God-centered music where lyrics have included cussing, and some of my closest friends who I consider very solid Christians cuss. But I generally don't cuss.
I'm not allergic to cussing. I'm not going to Hell if I cuss. I don't break out in hives when my friends cuss. My ears may bleed a little but I love my friends as they are.
I think my biggest beef with the over-abundance of cussing in culture is that I believe that mankind is hard-wired to create beauty, warmth, growth, challenge, inspiration, within the souls and situations around us. Yet we adapt our vocabulary to fit cultural norms. The 'F-bomb', in particular, is a vocabulary crutch and is used as a substitute for any and every word. The over-usage of this word alone has led to lazy speech habits. What happened to creating beauty and inspiration while thinking outside the box?
1) My biggest desire is that they honor God and love others with their words and take Ephesians 4:29 seriously. "Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs."
2) It's my responsibility to draw them away from areas of mediocrity and laziness, even in their communication.
3) I value manners and propriety so, of course, I want my boys to be gentlemen in behavior and speech. It's just who I am and, yes, I get teased for this a bit by close friends and family.
4) I love engaging with people who fearlessly dive into conversations beyond the shallow. Rarely do these types of conversations require lots of cussing and I desire that my boys engage on this level. I desire that they become leaders, set standards, and be sensitive to those they engage with.
Since cussing is a part of our culture it's to be expected even if not embraced. I have no doubt that folks with various religious backgrounds have varied opinions on what's acceptable to view and what's not acceptable. Our family has adopted a 'receive, reject, and redeem' philosophy (see link below) as a rule of thumb, but not as a law.
We can receive with open arms things in culture that are good, solid, challenging and true. We can reject things that oppose goodness and truth, are profane and disturb our souls. We can redeem things that may have language, scenes, or content that don't line up with our family standards but have other various redeeming qualities such as powerful themes and thought-provoking story lines.
My boys are in their pre-teen or teen years so this is a topic I've had to wrestle with for a long time and I've struggled to articulate within my own soul why I hold to the standards I do, nonetheless communicate openly about these standards. I'd suspect that I'm not the only parent who struggles with this. But I find that it's good and very healthy to wrestle through the questions: Why do we as parents allow what we do? Why do we 'go with the flow' in some areas and resist the norm in other areas?
The adventure of parenting certainly gives us plenty of space to ground ourselves and know ourselves better or lose ourselves as people, as parents, and as families.
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Resources you may enjoy:
*A short video (9minutes) by Mark Driscoll that inspired our family standard of - Receive, Reject, Redeem
Question: Have you found cussing to be a hot topic within your social groups? Why or why not?
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