Our home boasts humble white twinkle lights. Peaceful. Clean. Simple. The boys beg for color lights and I gently explain that my life is full of color thus the peaceful white lights help me keep my sanity. They roll their eyes and continue begging.
This particular evening was to be a surprise. Each element was quietly planned and supplies were ready. Veggies and meat were ready to be sliced. Mugs for hot cocoa were washed. Candy canes and cookies were set out. Unfortunately the rascals decided to misbehave. A lot.
I try to be a good mom, responsible, loving, instilling strong virtues but I fall short and mess up. Daily. Recently I've noticed the boys pushing our limits more than usual. Disobedience and convenient 'forgetting to obey' was becoming the norm.
Excuses for their behavior abound. It's winter and they are trapped inside. This is simply a phase. They need more exercise. They are being boys.
Disregarding petty excuses, disobedience is absence of obedience. The sky is still blue, even when heavy with clouds. Dirt is still dirt, even when snow-covered. I can make excuses for my boys disobedience but it's still disobedience.
If all three of them are going through a phase, we have to look at the biggest common denominator- us, the parents. They will step up to the plate when we set the expectation, implementing firm consequences and rewards. When we're lazy in following through, they are lazy in obeying. Who's fault is this? Ours - the parents, the adults in the relationship.
Cliff and I discussed a new game plan. We have to adapt every few months as the boys grow and change so fast. We decided to implement a new ticket system. Each day would begin with a certain amount of tickets. The tickets represented priviledges (video game time, computer usage, etc) and if we asked them to do a chore, we expected immediate obedience. Each reminder after the initial request would cost them a ticket. No anger. No yelling. No threats. If they ran out of tickets, they would lose those priviledges for the remainder of the day. They could start over the next day, ideally.
Today was the ticket system inauguration. We sat the boys down and carefully explained the new system at 9 am. Tickets ran out by 1 pm. My patience ran out by 3 pm. By 5 pm all three rascals were grounded to their rooms for the entire evening.
After banishing the boys to their rooms, I let out a deep sigh and slumped on the staircase with my head in my hands.
Dang.
Disappointment hung on me like a rain-soaked sweatshirt. I had been so excited and now I had to make stupid chicken burritos for dinner. No fondue. No candles. No candy canes and caroling. The easier choice, the more temptingly fun choice would have been to call them out of their rooms and lecture them on their disobedience (again) then proceed with my fun plans. But this would've been entirely selfish as it would've satisfied my desires and made me happy. They would've been robbed of the consequences and we would've been worse off with disobedience issues than before. Our boundaries needed to stay firm. Shaping their character was more important than sharing fondue. Unfortunately.
I wonder if God feels this way, just a little, when we disobey and ignore Him, when we rob Him of the opportunities to surprise us even though we know His love never changes. We find ourselves grounded to our room, eating stupid chicken burritos off paper plates when we could have been feasting on fondue and enjoying twinkling Christmas lights. We rob ourselves of strong marriages, joyful parenting, fulfilling friendships, and living out God-sized adventures. We can't fathom His amazing plans for our lives. And we don't really care because we are too busy having fun.
So we miss out.
Our disobedience doesn't surprise him or catch Him off-guard. He doesn't have to come up with new game plans or sulk like a disappointed mother. He's God and I can't wrap my mind around his perfect plan for our lives and the accompanying allowances for our stupidity, pride, and stubbornness.
Our stories don't have to be this way though... There's always forgiveness and grace. Always redemption and truth. Always Jesus.
You may also enjoy:
*Article from GotQuestions.org The Difference Between God's Sovereign Will and God's Perfect Will
*Article from ComprehensiveChristian.org The Difference about God's Perfect and Permissive Will of God
*Resources: Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend - Visit the FREE online videos for boundaries in parenting, marriage, leadership, and more!
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